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If you skateboard, you will get hurt. That’s just part of the deal. Throughout my time skating, I endured a plethora of scrapes, bruises, and twisted bits. Then there was an occasional speeding board to the shin, slamming onto pavement, and the dreaded nuts-on-the-rail. It happens. We’ve all torn up our pants and picked gravel out of our wounds. Most of the time, you can walk it off with some Ibuprofen and Tiger Balm. Growing up with two parents in the medical field, most of my injuries were handled at home. Sometimes even stitches. Hospital visits were rare.

Pro Tip – Don’t mess around with “knock on wood.” One day I bragged to a friend about never hitting my head while falling. I ignored his advice to knock on wood and, sure enough, clocked my head that same session. To this day,“knock on wood” is my most obsessive superstition.

My worst injury happened during my senior year in high school. A true freak accident. I was skating up a small ramp, slipped, and sheared my wrist along the sharp edge of the wood. It cut right through the tendons, ligaments, and whatever else was inside there. Seeing as how my entire wrist anatomy was visible through a fleshy flap, a trip to the hospital was in order.

Luckily, my father was a 20+ year veteran physician’s assistant, and I was able to see the surgeon in no time. I got all patched up, except for one (apparently) unnecessary tendon that remains snapped and dangling up my forearm. Sometimes if I jump up and down, I can feel it move. The scar still runs across half my wrist.

Injuries happen. But for me, more often than not I got hurt because of fear. Bailing mid-trick or stopping at the last moment…fear became an immense source of frustration and disappointment that hindered my full potential. I felt like I let down my peers, especially the older crowd, and myself. As long as I submitted to my fear, I could never be on their level. Watching my friends get the respect and praise that I so desired brewed a cocktail of shame and jealousy. I was also impeded by immense, crippling anxiety and wasn’t always the easiest kid to be around. Perhaps that’s why I did some of my best skating when alone. It’s just unfortunate that my brother and his crew left town before I reached my prime and never saw what I was capable of.

All because of fear.

Week 4 – Fear Itself

Here I am knocking on forty’s door, and I’m fighting that fear again. But it has manifested in a different form—I’m afraid of what an injury would do to my family. I skate with three things in my pocket: a credit card, my license, and my health insurance card. As much as I enjoy skating again, I don’t want to lose our savings paying off health care bills from this country’s insane, backwards system. It feels selfish even trying to skate again, as if I shouldn’t be taking the risk.

A minor injury, like a rolled ankle, would greatly disrupt life. My wife would have to walk our two unruly dogs by herself. Heaven forbid a big truck goes by, setting Cas off, and she gets hurt wrangling them (knock on wood). Or what about not being able to drive or even walk up the stairs to our home? For all the fears of my youth, finances and insurance never entered the equation.

How do I conquer fear? In the past it was a matter of repetition. Doing tricks small and safe until I was confident enough to crank it up a notch. It’s all the more important for me to follow that method today. Incremental improvement is still improvement. My manuals have gotten much better, and I went on two wheels for a good thirty or forty feet this week. The balance between confidence and fear is key in skateboarding, and life in general.

So while some people might have their repertoire come back much faster, I have to think about myself and how I operate as a skater. Accept that I have certain limitations, enjoy the moment, and celebrate the small victories that I do achieve.

Huh. I think there’s a larger lesson here…

Thanks for reading!